In 2020, we lost our Sloane at 27 weeks. After three days of increasing pain, I realized I was in labor. With faith in the hospital’s neonatal care unit, I excitedly reassured our children that we were just meeting our new baby early. Then there was no heartbeat, followed by forced dilation and labor. After only moments to hold Sloane, the doctors and nurses caring for me started hurrying in and out of the room, speaking in hushed tones to one another. I was bleeding out. Transfusions of blood, cryo and platelets were pumped into my veins as I lay there oblivious. The anesthesiologist later told me that he had no idea how I was still conversing with everyone, full color in my face, when my platelets were so low I should have been bleeding from my eyes and ears. Obviously, I survived, but I was left feeling that I hadn’t been living life well. I thought I’d been giving God everything, yet I refused to give my life freely when I thought He wanted it. My husband and I did have more time with our baby, there at the hospital and during a beautiful funeral. Now, she is a part of our family conversations and prayers. Not only great sorrow, but deep joy and wonder have poured into our lives with the passing of Sloane.

Because of Sloane, we have a more special place in our family for the other three babies we’ve lost. Our first was lost at three months and the other two are considered “chemical pregnancies,” but we know that term does no justice to the uniquely created beings that are our children. We hadn’t thought of them much until Sloane joined them. Now we know how special they are.

Some people want to re-live their loss. Some people need help finding hope. Others are looking for companions on the journey through grief. Hopefully, one of these books is just what your heart needs.

Siblings of lost babies need guidance, hope, and understanding as much as their parents do. Here are some fictional books that have helped my children and some suggestions from fellow moms of loss.

My friend Eileen Tully wrote a novena to the Sorrowful Mother for grieving mothers. Her reflections are insightful and beautiful. It profoundly helped my healing process. She has a great list of resources and offers retreats and loving wisdom at her site Sursum Corda.

The interviews above tell the story of a couple who lost twins. Not finding any help in the Church, Kelly lost her faith. Years later, Christ called her back through the sacraments. She founded Red Bird Ministries, which won the OSV Innovation Challenge in 2021. Now, their ministries can be found in parishes and diocese across the country. They have so many resources for all types of loss at their site RedBird.Love.

Our Lady knows your pain best, and there are many other saints that can help you through this. Above is a list of “Companion Saints.” Some have lost children. Others have lost siblings. Meet them heart-to-heart in prayer.

Created by moms who have lost babies, Humble Mission Beads provides beautiful bereavement boxes filled with supplies to recover miscarried babies so that they can be held and buried. The organization helps women prepare for their miscarriages and support them through the process.

There is a Catholic funeral rite for unbaptized babies. The readings for this ritual are above…and are full of hope and comfort.

The Church provides this blessing to aid parents in their grief by calling down the graces of God to assist them.

The above link will take you to some of the posts I wrote immediately following the loss of my daughter at 27 weeks’ gestation. These were written during the depth of my shock and confusion. In them, there is also a glimmer of the hope and joy that God would eventually bring out of our pain.

Are you struggling to understand church teaching on unbaptized babies and infants? There is a long history of debate in the Church on this topic, but a recent International Theological Commission report explained the many reasons we can choose to believe our babies are in heaven. The commission’s findings were approved by Pope Benedict XVI. Here is a printable download.

This shorter article summarizes the theological commission document beautifully and adds some other theological studies as well.

This page has links to answer many of your questions. What should we name our lost baby? How do we proceed with burial? What do I expect during my miscarriage? How do I support a friend? What can my parish and priest offer me during this time?